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Tom Arnold answers literally everything.

Jan 7th 2014 by TomArnoldHere • 36 Questions • 1230 Points

Hi, I'm Tom Arnold, I'm an alcoholic, stand up comic, actor and new dad. And I've lost a lot of weight. I lost 90 pounds (true story: http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20332412_20770889,00.html).

I've been healthy since the moment my son was born, because you can't be both fat and old.

I'm going to be in the upcoming movie Any Day coming out this November, and I'm also doing stand up in this new year, starting in a week and a half (list of dates here: http://tomarnoldcomedy.com/?page_id=6)

AMA!

https://twitter.com/TomArnold/status/420648138420920320

Q:

Stupid Question: Are you still your own grandpa? I fucking love The Stupids <3

A:

I am and so are you


Q:

It's the 20th Anniversary of True Lies. Did you film any commentaries for this upcoming True Lies special edition Blu-ray...and how good would you look as a blue alien in Cameron's Avatar 2?

A:

yes we all shot a documentary for it. I would look awesome in blue…Jim Cameron:)


Q:

Does Roseanne give good head?

A:

ask Seinfeld


Q:

Tom: Where is my True Lies 2?

A:

ask Jim Cameron..seriously ask him. We almost did it in 2001. Had a great script by Jeff Easton but it ended at the Twin Towers and we couldn't make terrorism funny at that time. We all would love to do this. I can't believe Arnold and I haven't done another movie since I'm his best co star ever (he's done like 18 movies with Sly..his nemesis!)


Q:

Who would kick your ass the worst: Schwarzenegger, DMX, or Roseanne

A:

obviously Roseanne already kicked my ass the worst. Jim Cameron says he cast me in True Lies because when Arnold left the room I said "I can take him". I wasn't trying to be funny it's just that guys size each other up incase the shit hits the fan. DMX is sweet and he's had a rough go but Jim Cameron is the man I'd least like to fight. He's 6'3" and absolutely not afraid of anything. I have seen him get in someone's face who screwed him over. He's fearless and that makes him dangerous in a fight. I just realized that I'm 54 and talking about fighting my 60 year old friends. This is sad:)


Q:

When and how did you finally come to terms with your alcoholism? Have you found help in 12 step programs, or do you have other methods of dealing with substance abuse issues?

A:

I got arrested 7 times (3 drunk drivings) but didn't even consider 12 steps until 1986. It took me 3 years of on and off meetings to get one day Dec 10 1989. Haven't had a drink since or cocaine or meth but I did slip on pain meds in 2008 after 19 years of sobriety. I have a lot of support and am not afraid to ask for help usually (that's the key, there is help out there for all of us and these folks stay sober themselves by helping us..and we get to help others to keep us sober..it's great) My mom died young from alcoholism and it's in my genes. I've also had external issues (child abuse, family issues) that I'm sure contributed to my issues (I allowed them to contribute) Just had to realize that no bodies perfect and I never will be. I also look for gratitude every day around me. I still have an unhealthy fear of failure sometimes but having a son and knowing the long journey to get him and what a miracle this is makes me not go down as far as I used to. No matter what happened to me as a kid or my failed marriages I've been blessed and when I realize that I climb out of that funk. It's not about me anymore and I'm relieved!


Q:

Hey Tom, no question but just wanted to say that you are the "author" (for lack of a better word) of my favorite quote ever. When asked about Roseanne claiming you had a small penis, you responded "Even a 747 looks small when it's flying over the Grand Canyon." I'm sure I got that wrong, but it's close. Anyway, that is my go-to whenever anyone asks what my favorite quote of all time is (that happens often). Just thought you might like to know that. Congrats on becoming a dad and the weight loss.

A:

"when it lands in the grand canyon" you really can't do that joke unless your ex-wife says you have a 3" penis on SNL


Q:

describe rosanne is three words or less

A:

complicated talented woman


Q:

What made you decide to go to Roseanne's Comedy Central Roast, and how is your relationship with her now?

A:

I really wanted to do it and discussed this with Howard Stern. he pointed out the pros and cons. I was nervous because she was in control and we have some terrible history but I'm glad I did it. It was a rare real TV moment.


Q:

In a recent Howard interview, john goodman said when you became part of the show roseanne it changed the chemistry of the show.

Did you ever notice a change?

Do you regret writing for the show?

Thanks for doing the AMA, Love you on Howard

A:

I heard John on Howard. I love John. When I joined Roseanne I came in as a writer and Roseanne's buddy. She was very unhappy. The pilot (which I did terrible audience warm up on) was amazing but the second episode sucked (that happens a lot) and she freaked. We hung out a bit with John and Lori Metcalf (amazing!!!) but my job was to take care of Rosey and her point of view on the show. She was battling the first producers on her own. I know they were friends of John's but they had to go. I had her back and the show's back in my opinion. John and I are big midwestern boys and there were some moments but that happens. I hope he realizes I was trying to make the show and his life better. It could've collapsed a couple times and I feel I kept it going by keeping the star and true creator going. I did make some mistakes. I didn't always handle things eloquently because I didn't understand how this work place could possibly be that different than the meat packing plant I'd worked in (it's not) but I took Roseanne's side not matter what. Eventually I learned to finesse a bit. I respected the new writers (many of them friends of mine from comedy) but there were moments and I knew John was pissed sometimes because he's mope and get extra hammered. I don't know if I'd be there actor I am without John Goodman. I learned watching him everyday and he is a genius. I also could not of had the control to make decisions without Roseanne's blessing. I did not come in and take over. I came in and helped her. Did some of the dirty work that happens usually and I think my presence made the show better. You can decide by watching the show when I was there and when I wasn't. BTW we all had a lot of fun down there. Very seldom after Season One were there big issues because by then everyone knew it was HER SHOW


Q:

Tom - congrats on losing the weight! How did you do it?

A:

the moment my son was born I started eating a whole cake then something happened and I realized I was an asshole for eating this way. I am a father and he needs me to be around. I gave up bread and sugar first. Lots of cardio and it started rolling off. I am not on a diet I just don't eat like Im in an eating contest anymore. I used Arnold's Muscle Pharm supplements to get the last 40 off. Really helps with recovery so I can continue to work out


Q:

I love your story about how you confronted the guy who molested you. Have you had any contact with him since you confronted him?

A:

I have not. He no longer lives in my hometown. I hope I never see him. He should hope the same


Q:

If you could take over a TV show for an episode, who's show would you hijack and what would you do?

A:

I have this thing inside of me that believes I could make any show better for an episode. That is also something I would like to do more. Come in and consult. There are times when I'm watching my favorite shows and I might think "I would've done this here" but that's just my ego. I do root for shows like Modern Family and hope it doesn't go sideways. I think I saw one bad episode and I got worried (every show has an off week) but they were back at it the next week and all was well


Q:

What is the most regretful thing you have ever eaten? Food of course.

A:

Last night I had healthy soup BUT I put way too many gluten free crackers on top of it. WAY too many. Did not feel good this morning. I've also been tempted (been watching a lot of football and they have 17 fast food commercials an hour and they make a bacon double cheeseburger look so f-ing good) but I haven't screwed up too bad. In the past I've eaten 8 Big Macs with quarter pounder meat. That wasn't good and literally eaten a whole cake.


Q:

Whats the deal with airline food?

A:

ask Seinfeld


Q:

Hi Tom! As a 23 year old very interested in hopefully making a career out of comedy one day…How did your very first stand up set go? Any advice would be well received! Thank you!

A:

My first stand up (1982 University of Iowa student union) went great because all my friends came and we were hammered on Everclear Punch (Everclear and powdered Gatorade) but my second time sucked because I had to rely on material and I didn't have any original or funny material. It takes work and you have to get up and suck a bunch but if you love it...


Q:

Howard stern has had some amazing revealing,deep interviews recently with you and your ex wife Roseanne ., do you attribute your "somewhat" peace with her to the king of all media?

A:

I attribute all good things to Howard Stern. He is the very best interviewer out there. Charlie Rose used to be. Charlie is still great but there is nothing like a Howard Stern hour interview. More people comment on those than anything I've ever done and yes me and my ex-wife have had some interesting times with Howard


Q:

My question: WHO IS MR. SENDER?!

I just wanted to say that The Stupids was being played every other weekend at my house when I was a kid. Thank you for that movie.

WHO IS MR. SENDER?!

A:

I. DONT. KNOW. I get asked that once a week. Crazy, right?


Q:

Tom, great to have you on here, I've been watching your movies since I've been growing up in the 90's. One movie that I vividly remember you in is Carpool, I must of watched that movie countless times renting the VHS from the local video store. One movie that you were in that I wasn't expecting was Austin Powers, how did you land such a small roll that went uncredited ?

A:

Mike Myers was working on his "come back" and I love him and worked with him on SNL a few times. Demi Moore produced it and she called me and asked. She said I was the only actor she could think of for the role. Then I read it and I was taking a dump so…shot one day and people remember that more that films I worked 5 months on. You never know which is why I work so much.


Q:

Katy Segal or Maggie Siff?

A:

Tough one but since Katy is the very best actress working today I'm Katy all the way. She's also one of the finest people you'd ever meet and she's a f-ing rock and roll mama. Kurt Sutter is a lucky man


Q:

Hey Tom. If Jackie Thomas had become a big hit that made it to syndication, what direction would you and Ms. Barr have taken the show and character in?

A:

I loved the Jackie Thomas Show. It wasn't cancelled. ABC wanted to move the show to Iowa and make me a meat packer again but I didn't want to fire the cast (including Michael Boatman and now famous director Paul Feig) BTW Paul Feig..when am I going to be in one of your hit movies buddy????


Q:

Congrats on your Dad-dom and your amazing weight loss, Mr. A. But just for the record, my parents are in their 90s and they're both hamplanets, so go figure.

Thanks for so many excellent laffs.

A:

that makes me feel good


Q:

Just got done watching the movie "The Final Season." I thought it was a great movie. How come there was very little of the story between you and the son?

A:

I loved that too. We filmed in Iowa and you're right there should've been more with Michael and me. We had something good but it was a baseball movie and baseball movies have a lot of baseball


Q:

How did you finally quit cocaine? Not a joke, I have a buddy who is finding it really hard to stay sober.

A:

I have not done cocaine since Dec 9, 1989 (12/10/89 was my first sober day) I've been honest publicly about my drug abuse and there are people who still make cocaine jokes about me and I haven't done it in 24 years. Some of these idiots weren't even born then! I did cocaine 84-89 and it was "fun" the first few times I did it but it changed. The affect it had on me changed. I was paranoid and needed more and more but kept doing it because I was addicted. It was a sad and lonely and shameful way to live.


Q:

Hey Tom I use to love some of your movies from the 90's like Carpool, The Stupids and Big Bully, was there any roles you tried out for but didn't get?

A:

I'm sure there were but back then I could kind of pick for a couple years and I didn't choose very well so I had to start over as a character actor. Wish I'd made better choices when I had some juice but I'm also proud I've been able to act in 120 films…4 good ones:):)


Q:

In your prime how much alcohol could you consume and still be borderline functional?

A:

from the first time I drank at 12 I never had a little booze. I always got drunk. That is a problem. Why would someone just have a little? Sounds crazy to me but that's what normal people do. If you are asking how much you can drink and still be "functional" you probably shouldn't drink


Q:

You played a child molester in the movie Gardens of the Night and got a lot of praise from critics. How did you decide to take that role, and what was the filming experience like given the abuse you suffered as a child?

A:

that was a tough movie to do because the subject matter hit close to home. I was sexually abused (raped doesn't sound manly enough) as a child which is also why I had to do it. I hated myself everyday we filmed and was grateful when we were done. I am proud of that movie. worked with great people


Q:

Hey Tom - Thanks for doing this AMA, how much adlibbing did you do in True Lies? One of my favourite lines in the whole movie "Seconds count, ditch the bitch"

A:

lots of ad libs my me but ditch the bitch is pure Cameron


Q:

Who're your idols/inspirations?

A:

I get inspiration everyday from different people for different reasons. I know that I cannot do anything alone and do it well (including losing weight..I got a lot of help and support from other fatties and my wife) I love people who have been down and come back. I love to watch the 30 for 30 docs ESPN does but I also have a ton of people in my life who have overcome. I support a heart kids camp Camp Del Corazon and everyone of those children have not only survived but thrived after facing the toughest stuff imaginable. Lately I've been thinking about their parents too and what they've dealt with. I will say that when I am down and I do get down the one thing I'm sure about is that all the good things I've done in my life to help children really count. Can't say that for my work always but If I need to feel good about myself I go to that because that is real


Q:

What was your favorite place to film?

A:

LA I love to come home at night. Austin is great. Vancouver is too. Toronto. Filmed a movie in my hometown Ottumwa Iowa and that was super special. My grandmas were in that (The Woman Who Loved Elvis) not a great movie but I still check it out to see Dottie and Dort. They really loved me


Q:

what are your top 5 favorite rock bands?

A:

I love the classics like Springsteen of course but I lived and hung with The Replacements and Prince and Husker Du and The Suburbs in the 80's so they are personal to me. I also love Train. You cannot be depressed when listening to train. George Jones will always mean a lot too me. John Prine. CCR. Alice Cooper Sammy Hagar Steve Tyler (we have a charity concert in Maui every New Years Eve). I love guys who were there when I was a kid in Iowa and are still here. The music business won't allow that anymore probably


Q:

what's your favorite steely dan song?

also what's your favorite podcast?

A:

reeling in the years…lots of good podcasts out there. Greg Fitzsimmons is very good


Q:

So how did you feel about that Ion television movie "All I want for Christmas"

A:

That was one of those where the producer calls and says "what are you doing next Tuesday?" and I don't want to seem too available because they will never respect/pay you if you are so I say "I'm busy" and he's like "what about Wed?" and I'm like "I'll be there". They were nice people but I only worked a day so I have not idea. I'm sure it was amazing!:) Chasing Christmas and Mistletoe and Miracles (I think that was the name..Candace Cameron played my daughter) are 2 holiday films I can recommend. Moonlight and Mistletoe !!! That's it


Q:

Being from Iowa, how did you become a Dodgers fan?

A:

I'm a Cub fan but go to a lot of Dodger games. Great team out here


Q:

Hey Tom! Congrats on your new health in the new year, you look fantastic! I've read you trained with Schwartzenegger for your new svelte figure, what's the best piece of training advice he gave you? Also, what are your thoughts on being trolled for years with the whole "chicken shirt" debacle on Roseanne? Personally I found it hilarious! Cheers to you and yours and your future success!

A:

Arnold has always encouraged me to be healthy as he does everyone in his life and else where. We've trained together but it's so fricking intimidating I'd rather do it alone. The chicken shirt on Roseanne was a running joke. She and the wardrobe gals snuck it into on camera scenes because they knew I hated it. Those are the kind of things you do to keep your job interesting. I didn't really care but pretended it was a big deal. I did really care about the family winning the lottery and fought that until the day I was fired. I was wrong about the chicken shirt but...


Q:

Great job on your weight loss! That's really awesome and encouraging. Thanks for the years of entertainment.

A:

thank you